Holdin Her, Loving You
by JimberlyShipper
Summary: The hardest thing Elliot has ever had to do is holding Kathy and loving Olivia.


_**Dislcaimer: SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. This is the 29th story in **__The Songs of EO. __**This is a song that I always felt fit EO, except the fact that Kathy isn't a saint. The song used is **__Holdin Her, Lovin You__**, by Clay Walker. Elliot is with Kathy but he loves Olivia. Read and review, why don't you? **_

Holdin' Her, Loving You

By Julia

_It's the third hardest thing _

_I'll ever do is leaving here_

_without you and the second hardest _

_thing I'll ever do is tellin her about you_

_She's been good to me_

_when things were goin rough, _

_how can I tell her now that good ain't _

_good enough?_

Elliot Stabler stood up from his desk at the 1-6 for the last time. He was so burnt out. He wasn't so sure he was happy about it. He was really going to miss his partner Olivia Benson. He loved her so much. He was going to miss her so much. He was going to lift up the box of his stuff when Olivia joined him. She had a slightly hurt look on her face. She was pretty upset he was moving on. He said, "So, hi..." It was lame, but there you go.

Olivia went to stand by her desk. She was acting like a two year old, but she couldn't help it. She was going to miss him so much. She knew she should just chillax, because her time with him was so limited. She looked up. "You could have told me you were leaving." She said stubbornly.

He put the box back down. He folded his arms, and looked at her. "I'm sorry, Olivia. I just, I love being a cop, but I'm so burnt out. I just have to change departments. I can't see those horribe things happen to those kids anymore." His voice broke a little on the end. It went without saying that he couldn't stand to see women in pain, either.

Olivia knew he would feel differently if she told him what had happened at Sealview, because she never had. She had always shied away from telling him. She knew he would have been sympathetic, something had just always stopped her. She looked back at him. She was fighting tears. She couldn't believe he was leaving. She wanted to scream. She had so much pent up anger. She couldn't be angry at him, she didn't blame him for wanting to leave, the years had started to get to her too. She just wasn't sure that she could do this without him. She had once started crying at the thought of leaving the job and Elliot, but she was a lot more centered now. She thought that she might be able to walk away now. Especially if Elliot was going to be gone. She said, "I guess that I can understand that." She really could, too.

Elliot was a second away from telling her how he felt. He thought the hardest thing about this was loving Olivia and holding Kathy. Things were bad with Kathy right now. "I love you, you know." He blurted out, heart pounding.

_Girl the hardest thing I'll ever have to do_

_is holdin' her and lovin' you_

_She's been good to me_

_when things weren't goin right_

_she made my days before you_

_made my nights_

Olivia had an intake of breath. She had suspected that for a long time, but it was another thing to have it totally confirmed. She said, "What about Kathy?" She was angry that that was the first thing out of her mouth. The first thing should have been 'I love you, too'. She turned red, blushing like crazy.

Elliot thought this was going to be the hard part. He said, "I just can't leave her. I mean, if things get bad enough, I could. But right now, I can't. She's been there for me. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, holding her and loving you." He said, tears filling his eyes again.

Olivia had tears pouring down her face right now. She wondered why he had even told her if he wasn't going to be with her. "Why did you even tell me if you weren't going to be with me? It's just cruel." She stood, clasping her hands in front of her. She felt even more pain now than she ever had before. This was ten times worse than just him leaving.

Elliot wanted so badly to take her in his arms. He forced his arms to stay at his sides. He said, "I just had to get it out. Especially since we won't be seeing each other every day. I just felt it had to be saifd. I'm sorry if I upset you."

Olivia wanted to take him in her arms now, even more badly than she had before. She found she didn't know what to do with her hands. She left them sitting on her desk chair. She was now nervous and didn't know what to do. "I don't know what to do with that information." She said, her voice shaking.

Elliot shrugged. "I don't really, either. I do feel better that I told you. I'm sure that it doesn't make you feel better." He knew the shrugging was going to make her angry. It sent a signal that he wasn't serious.

Olivia replied, "Well why don't you call me when you figure it out." She snapped this and left the office, and Elliot sighed, picking up his box of things. That could have gone better. Maybe he'd be able to get it together one day.

_Yeah, the hardest thing I'll ever have to do_

_is holdin her and lovin you_

_**Author's note: Hope you liked. There isn't a planned sequel but if I can think of a song one might be arranged. Next up is **__Papers, __**by Usher. Hope ya'll will want to review!**_


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